I have lost everything, all I have left is hope that the bombs will stop

On Friday, the absorption announced it was accepting a ceasefire program successful Gaza. Some radical celebrated successful the streets.

Whenever a ceasefire connection is brought up successful Gaza, we concisely consciousness arsenic though a glimmer of anticipation is glancing astatine america from a distance. Many nary longer person overmuch anticipation due to the fact that we are accustomed to elevating our hopes, waiting for the end, and past being struck with a harsh world that forces america to commencement over. How often person we experienced this achy rhythm of optimism and letdown? I inactive hope, though, that this clip volition beryllium antithetic and that they are sincere astir putting a halt to this conflict.

In my family, we bash not person overmuch near different than hope.

We mislaid our home, livelihood, dreams, and consciousness of security. My hubby mislaid his job, I mislaid my ambitions, and worst of all, my lad mislaid his childhood; helium has mislaid his small world, wherever helium utilized to consciousness harmless and happy.

We genuinely person thing near for subsistence. Just past month, I was forced to merchantability my past invaluable – my engagement ringing – to provender my child.

Following months of famine, successful August, Gaza’s markets started filling up with goods again, including foods we hadn’t seen for months: cheese, oil, and immoderate fruit. But seeing these goods again being disposable was a cruel experience, arsenic astir of america could not spend to bargain them.

I tried to support my lad distant from seeing the cheese, but I failed. He saw it successful the marketplace 1 time portion walking with maine and his father. He stopped successful beforehand of the stall, asking for some. Later, I gave him 1 shekel to bargain a falafel sandwich, hoping that would fulfill his hunger. “I don’t privation the falafel that hurts my stomach,” helium said sadly. “The tasty food is what I want.” My bosom broke successful that moment.

I wished each those nutrient items had ne'er travel into the Strip astatine all. We had spent each our savings connected the overpriced, low-quality nutrient that was disposable successful the erstwhile months conscionable to enactment alive.

That evening, my hubby returned location with his caput bowed down; helium spoke bitterly astir the prices that had skyrocketed. I told him I was considering selling my engagement ring. My hubby powerfully objected and planned to spell to 1 of those “aid distribution” sites oregon “death traps”, arsenic helium called them.

I begged him not to go, since truthful galore who went determination were killed. But helium looked astatine maine with sorrow successful his eyes and said: “Our lad hasn’t eaten successful days. How tin I not go?”

Just 2 weeks earlier, his member had been changeable dormant by Israeli forces portion trying to bring flour for his household of five.

The pursuing morning, I visited the golden merchants. The terms they offered for my ringing was unfair — overmuch little than earlier the warfare — but I had nary choice.

I sold my ringing for conscionable capable wealth to bargain 5kg of flour, 1 litre of olive oil, 500gm of thyme, 1kg of tahini, 2 cans of cheese, 1kg of sugar, and 1 tin of herb sauce.

When I got home, it was arsenic if Eid had conscionable arrived. We sat down astir a array with cheese, sweetened tea, caller bread, and thyme that we had dreamed of for months. In a oversea of pain, determination was a little infinitesimal of happiness. I felt a stab successful my bosom erstwhile I looked astatine my hand, present bare of the ring, but my child’s grin portion eating rapidly enactment an extremity to that regret.

The nutrient lasted america astir a week.

Then hunger came backmost to haunt us. We went backmost to a repast a time that consisted of a portion of breadstuff and beverage oregon thyme.

Over the past 2 years, we’ve been forced to merchantability our dreams, portion by piece, not conscionable gold, but memories too. We person had to fly our location successful the Sheikh Radwan neighbourhood successful Gaza City respective times. Earlier this month, we fled again, and we present find ourselves successful a structure successful Khan Younis. My bosom is dense with sorrow arsenic I abandoned everything I loved.

All I tin anticipation for close present is that this struggle volition extremity truthful that I tin aftermath up successful the greeting knowing that my lad is unafraid and that his aboriginal is not unclear. I often imagination of being capable to service him regular, nutritious meals, conscionable similar I did earlier the war, without having to interest astir a shortage of food, the outgo of food, oregon a deficiency of money. I representation going backmost to my house, wherever I utilized to consciousness unafraid and comfortable, and I representation the schools reopening truthful that my spouse and I whitethorn resume our regular lives arsenic teachers.

If a ceasefire takes hold, the archetypal happening I would bash is to clasp my lad and archer him, “The fearfulness is over, my love”, earlier heading backmost to immoderate is near of our home.

The views expressed successful this nonfiction are the author’s ain and bash not needfully bespeak Al Jazeera’s editorial stance.